Principle. Shaken.

I don't date. At least that's what I hope. I hope I won't go out dating. I want to protect myself, and you too. Can't you just come and meet my parents?! Lol. I'm having a crush on someone who doesn't even know I exist. Or maybe he knows, because he did create Instagram acc after I kinda ask him about it. But yeah. Whatever. Perasan, syok sendiri je ni. I'm looking at you... From far. 

Hope and expectation

Just when I started to put hope on humans, expecting them to return the same favour I offered them (in this case; feelings), I'll always fall . 

Always the frustrations instead of satisfactions.  

Always the disappointment instead of fulfilment.

Why do I keep falling for the wrong person?...

Hope. Expectation. They kill. 

Why do envy the girl that you always reply to?

Why do I feel ecstatic when you texted me?

Why do I have to feel all these?

I had a vision of building a little family with you and our children will grow up beautifully, wise and knowledgeable just like you.

Keeping the hope and expectation just to myself, for now.

Sad day for Malaysians. #prayforMH370

8th of March 2014.

It was a sad day for all Malaysians.

I was at school Saturday morning waiting for a meeting to start when was I scrolling down my Twitter timeline through my iPhone. I felt instant goosebumps and chill in the bones when I read from many news agencies that a Malaysia Airlines flight was reported missing en route to Beijing from KL.

My mind was immediately filled with images of the horrifying episodes I watched from the Air Crash Investigation series. Once I knew that the air traffic control in Subang lost contact with the flight, it sent chill down my spine. That definitely wasn't a good thing.

Everything about flying, the aviation industry and the sky have always fascinate me. I fancy those who have knowledge on these areas. I can only learn the laymen term but when it comes to the technicalities I'm lost. Talk about my love-hate relationship with science.

Keep praying for the missing jet Boeing 777 flight MH370.

Indeed Allah is The Most Powerful and knows more than we do.

Dear earpods

I just realized why I am currently ridiculously addicted to Keane's Somewhere Only We Know and Everybody's Changing. It's because of my earpods that came along with my 5s. They make the songs I'm listening to sound insanely awesome and give that extra gist of emotional feelings that appear when you listen to your favourite songs, ya know what I mean?

It's ridiculous because I have never been this obsessed with earphones nor the songs mentioned previously. I mean I do love them songs but this time it is like zillion times more attached to the heart. Before this I assumed all earphones were the same when they claimed they have extra bass sound system whatsoever.

EARPODS by Apple is undeniably the greatest earphone ever!

At the same time too I honestly am curious.. Who'll be the person who's gonna dedicate both songs to me in the NEAR future... and take me to 'somewhere only we know'?....

I currently have only 4 songs in my 5s music library
1. Keane - Somewhere Only We Know
2. Keane - Everybody's Changing
3. Keane - Is It Any Wonder?
4. Taylor Swift - Dear John

The last one sometimes got me to tears.. Thanks Earpods. Hover sangat kan.

Somewhere only WE know

I have been playing Somewhere Only We Know by Keane on repeat on my 3-day-old baby 5s. *hint* The song is about hope and everytime I listen to this song, I  remembered the hope I had long built in my deepest spot in my heart. A hope on achieving happiness.  

Anyway, I attended Seminar Baitul Muslim 3.0 last weekend and I think most of my unclear thoughts, doubts and questions about marriage have been answered. Alhamdulillah. These past months I have been thinking, marriage is one scary thing as we are on a lifetime contract to take up responsibilities towards the other person and the community (family, the in-laws, and the bigger community).. I was so afraid of the marriage institution cause I have seen many examples of unsuccesful marriages in my family and have had first hand experience of the hurt and pain it caused.

That made me not ready for it, not looking for anyone and not to open my heart to anyone. I believed in the sunnah of marriage & the good it brings, but I didn't think it was for me.

Now I've learnt a lot from the seminar, marriage is a means for us to get to Jannah (or hell, na'udhubillah). It is an act of ibadah. Sometimes we feel heavy to do ibadah, but we'll do it anyway, right? Because we know that's what Allah wants from us.. Mujahadah.  

Allah says in the Quran, Jinn and humans are created to worship Me. 

But both parties, the husband and wife, need to fully understand this and both need to constantly seek knowledge. Both need to always reflect and believe in improving self. This way, both knows they need to lower their ego if they realize there is a need to modify it (especially when an issue arises).

Both need to always compromise and come to the best decision that will benefit both.. Our partners are human beings and human beings aren't perfect. Never expect them to be perfect as you yourself have many flaws too.. The most important thing is both always try to improve self to be the best of mankind to the deen and to the family.

Hadith: The best amongst you is the one with the best character and the best of men is the one who is best to his wife.

Building family is also about building the ummah and we want succesful Muslim ummah and it starts from home. It starts from the parents. It starts now. 

I think I am ready now.

My hijab, my shield #WorldHijabDaypost

Alhamdulillah yesterday, the 1st of February, was the annual celebration of the World Hijab Day. I participated this year by volunteering under the MIZAN team in organizing Hijab Event 2014 at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa. Alhamdulillah Allah granted me another chance to make myself useful to the society tho honestly I thought I didn't do much. My resolution for life is to be happy. I believe that if I contribute more to people, Allah will grant me more happiness. Biidhnillah.

Anyhow, the sharing session was awesome. The speakers (Sister Cat Ross, Sis Dina al Mashoor & Sis Sharifah Sofea) shared their endurance of wearing the hijab permanently, which honestly at some point made me teary. I reflected at my own journey, of how I started to wear the hijab. I used to feel scared and anxious of how I was gonna manage my image for my 'after-hijab' life. Little did I know that when we make a step towards Allah, He then will come running towards us. The wardrobe makeover was smooth alhamdulillah. Of course the change did not happen overnight but Masha Allah He helped me got through it. One of many reasons I decided to wear hijab was after the pashmina and shawl style came out. I hated tudung bawal as I thought I looked horrible in it and there was NO WAY I was gonna don it everyday. Since I was more confident in shawls and pashminas, I slowly started to feel "Nak berhijab tak semestinya dengan tudung bawal je, there are many other styles". That really made me feel lots better and more confident, Alhamdulillah.

I started with S-size scarfs (weren't really a hijab, yet) and pants with long sleeved but not loose shirts. Along the way, Allah constantly sent me beautiful Muslima sisters for me to learn from. They were beautiful with loose clothes, wide hijabs, socks and handsocks. No one really ever told me to cover chest, back, wear less pants, cover hips etc but I guessed that was the power of qudwah hasanah (showing good examples). I learn from the examples around me. And that was also the benefit of always being around good companions. Masha Allah TabarakAllah I was so blessed to have Muslimas around me. Especially that when I lived abroad for 2 years, the friendship that they offered, the care that they showed towards me.. They made me realize the beauty of Islam.

I have been wearing my hijab for 4 years, started on the 9th of Muharaam in 2010. I also learnt the verse in The Quran where Allah asks women to wear hijab long and wide that it covers the chest. It makes me feel honoured to wear as what The Creator wants. Now I can't imagine my hijab being taken away from me. I can't imagine going out without my wide hijab, my socks, .. I feel bare. Exposed. Allah. I literally feel the hijab is a shield, from the evil eyes and hearts.. and also a reminder to myself to always be aware of what I do. I don't want to be a fitna to Islam ie people see a Muhajaba doing wrong things and put bad names on Islam, Astaghfirullah.

Alhamdulillah hijab really gives me inner peace. For sisters out there, start now. Experience yourself how the hijab will change your life. Don't mind what people say about you. Just do it for whatever reasons, gradually you'll set your heart straight - doing it because of Allah.

Happy World Hijab Day!