Yesterday I was whining on my disastrous life, Astaghfirullah I was being ungrateful towards all the other blessings that I had. Today, SubhanAllah He touches my soul again.
During lunch, I talked to my Naqibah sister regarding my problem in faith. She said indeed it was a sign from Allah that I actually 'realized' I had the problem. When I realized, it meant I was aware that something was needed to be done. It meant Allah doesn't want me to be further away from Him subhanaAllah.
She asked me, "Have you read the Quran lately?".
I replied, "Yes, I did, but not thoroughly though as I just read the Arabic and skipped the meaning part. I didn't go through the meaning cause I felt really lazy to do so.""I understand that. We really have to strive and fight with our own self to be close to Allah".
Indeed Allah is the Best Planner.
When I got back to my dorm later, I remembered I needed to pay a dear friend an amount of money that I owed her. As I stepped into her room, I could see her reading the Quran and it was 20 minutes past Dhuhr prayer time. My heart skipped a beat cause I realized that it was a sign from Allah. It was not weird to see that friend reading the Quran cause she read them all the time. But this afternoon, the scene struck me. It's true that Allah holds the hearts of humans. At that time, all I could think of was "If she could read it consistently, why not me?". After I settled paying her the amount, I went straight to the toilet and performed ablution (wudhu').
As I was reading my Mushaf, I came across this verse:
Suratul Sod verse 29 (38:29) which means :
(It is) a Book We have revealed to you abounding in good that they may ponder over its verses, and that those endowed with understanding may be mindful.
Kitab (al-Quran) yang Kami turunkan kepadamu penuh berkah agar mereka menghayati ayat-ayatnya dan agar orang-orang yang berakal sihat mendapat pelajaran.
Allah has answered me.
He answered my questions of WHYs.
Questions of why do I feel so down and stress and feel like struggling so hard in life.
I have long forgotten to actually READ the Quran. Read the Arabic with translation. Reading merely is called tilawah.
The word 'Quran' is derived from another Arabic word 'Qara'a' which means 'read'. The first revelation to Prophet Muhammad PBUH also was about reading.
Why don't we read the Quran today? Allah has taught us to do so.
Another verse that I came across while reading just now:
(Al-Quran) ini tidak lain hanyalah peringatan bagi seluruh alam.
Dan sungguh, kamu akan ketahui kebenaran beritanya alQuran setelah beberapa waktu lagi.
SubhanAllah, the answer is all there, inside the Most Divine Book, The Greatest Quran.